3 keys to developing and maintaining self-confidence
Self-confidence is not a gift from heaven, we are the artisans. Likewise, we have built a chronic or temporary lack of confidence following an unfortunate event or unfortunate behavior on the part of others. In any case, it is not inevitable, so let’s take out our trowels and hammers.
3 keys to developing and maintaining self-confidence
Define self-confidence
Who has never felt uncomfortable with a given situation, most often without daring to say it and whose professional projects have been hindered?
A deficit, even a minor one, of self-confidence can transform certain actions to be carried out into energy-consuming events: talking about oneself in a job interview, convincing a potential partner, taking one’s phone, building or interacting with one’s network etc … And there is no scale actions difficult to lead or not: the feeling of discomfort will lodge where the lack of confidence is expressed, which is very variable depending on people. Needless to say “There is nothing to fear” to an anxious person to the idea of having a job interview, because the reason has nothing to do with it.
In these times where the norm dictates us to be extroverted and dynamic, we associate a little too quickly the lack of self-confidence with shyness. You do not have to be a timid introvert in the background of a carp version stuck under a pebble for lack of confidence in certain circumstances. Because self-confidence is our idea of our ability to cope with a given situation. As a result, it is obviously impossible to feel sure of yourself all the time, because we do not have all the necessary skills to cope with everything. However, to know ourselves well and to recognize our abilities makes us feel more serene in the face of the hazards of our professional lives.
Consequences of lack of insurance
The discomfort that results from the lack of confidence can generate a reluctant relational clumsiness:
Behavior hesitant, begging, victimization
Devaluation of his skills
On the contrary: overvaluation, arrogance, etc.
In short, lack of self-confidence can lead to failure strategies and procrastination.
(Re) build trust
Insecurity or self-confidence is not inevitable: self-confidence is built, shaped and maintained through concrete techniques and actions.
1- The inner speech
Let’s stop exacerbating our faults and forgetting our qualities. “The internal dialogue (…) will condition our behavior. It can be very simple sentences, for example I meet my neighbor who does not say hello to me and I say “damn it, I’m bad”. I could have thought “my neighbor has concerns, she does not mind that” and I do not question myself. “
In other words, let us identify in our inner discourses all that is of the order of devaluation, of the abusive interpretation that depreciates us and replace these thoughts with a more objective (and not positive) discourse, so as to avoid a paralyzing devaluation and favor a more benevolent and motivating self-examination.
2- The construction of its own scale of value: to be detached from the past
“When we’ve had parents who have consistently pinpointed what’s wrong, we’ll tend to do the same. So put the past in its place, reconsider the criticism of parents, their injunctions and build our own system of values, our own personal scale, “advises the psychoanalyst.
Education and the people who have cared for it have passed us cars of limiting beliefs that maintain a negative look and state of mind about ourselves. To give them back their convictions and to build our own belief systems, which correspond to what we think and want, help to believe … in ourselves.
3- The move to action accompanied by the evaluation of the talents implemented
The passage to the action, even if it is done slowly rather than jumping into the bath at once, is the essential condition for the reinforcement of self-confidence, because it gives us proofs of our abilities at each step. challenge raised.
“It’s a safe bet that you will very rarely be at the zero point of your skill, your know-how or how to be”. Realizing this, “you will build on the fact that the estimate you made of yourself was perhaps prodigiously severe and not so appropriate to the reality of the behaviors you implement”.
This statement favors the action, because following this awareness and analysis of skills, resources, qualities, talents we have, we are more inclined to want to act, including outside of our comfort zone.
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