How to change to regain confidence
A way of saying that we are never content with what we are, that we are constantly changing. This is how life grows and we gain confidence. But what are the best conditions for developing or restoring this self-confidence?
What is self-confidence?
Self-confidence is a subjective feeling, it is a representation of oneself, in relation to oneself and to others. It is an absolutely necessary feeling to live. Too much self-confidence often hides a disorder, which can lead to excess, paranoia. Conversely, a lack of confidence can lead to depression. The depressive is no longer able to rely on himself to act. To feel this foundation of the personality that is self-confidence, it is necessary that a certain number of elements are brought together. The strong emotional bond, built with the attachment figure that parents are, is essential to the constitution of this strong sense of identity, of existence. When the child feels supported, encouraged, observed with love, he feels kind, in the strongest sense of the word. If he is kind, then he can love himself. This resource is renewed, is built throughout childhood, and even life. Take the example of adolescence: a teenager is fine when he has been able to fall in love, to be left, to have sorrow and to fall in love again. There he will have acquired, strengthened his ability to overcome failure.
What can damage that self-confidence?
We are basically able to overcome difficulties. On the other hand, the repetition of failures, hurtful words, whether they come from a relative, a superior or school friends, undermines this trust. And if these situations come to echo an old situation of self-doubt, of narcissistic attack, then pain and trauma re-emerge. We see it very well with adults who come to consult for a problem of self-doubt, often expressed by a “I’m not the right one, I’m worthless”: we often find a school difficulty experienced in the young years. And if self-confidence increases throughout life, lack of confidence also, through setbacks. The pitfall: enter a vicious circle. The lack of insurance entails the risk of not doing well, which in turn reinforces this feeling of failure, of depreciation. This applies to acts as well as to romantic or social relationships.
How to restore internal security?
I think we must “get along”, progressively progressing from the simplest to the most complicated. Do not give us too ambitious goals, do what does not put us in check. And let’s cross paths: leisure activities, sports, cooking, whatever, but find ourselves a nice picture, even if it is not the area in which we feel we are reached . It is slowly that we will reconnect with this benevolent look that we must carry on us. It’s a psychology of everyday life.
I see many young parents today who have absolutely no confidence in their parenting abilities. They do not know how to rely on themselves, on their feelings, on their ideas for raising their children. They are afraid of doing wrong. Now, I think very simply that looking at your child, observing his signs of well-being are very simple ways of assessing his ability to be a good enough parent. To rely on the look of the other, on the result, which are so many reflections of ourselves, that’s what helps. We all have a fundamental need to recognize our being, whether it be by our parents, our children, our employer or our entourage.
You know, in the professional world, it’s really one of the first causes of suffering, this lack of recognition. We need others to be “renarcised”: this is how we can love ourselves enough, and regain our self-confidence. So, let’s not be afraid to say it, to ask for it. It will be a big step. On the other hand, if this confidence is profoundly altered, to the point of plunging into depressive states, then, in this case, a therapeutic approach, for example psychoanalytic, proves to be indispensable.