True attraction goes beyond the physical or the interior, so difficult to define.
The authentic magic between two people is part of the emotional reading of two hearts that paralyze and harmonize, which are understandable. It is an attraction from which one can not free oneself, even by closing one’s eyes.
We know how complex it is for science to isolate variables and establish correlations to understand a little better what love, affection, and attraction are. Yet the most recent published study asserts that the key to attraction lies in mutual understanding between two people.
Physical attraction does not last, it is intense, empty and fleeting, but the attraction of the mind and this emotional world that beats at the same rate as our inner music makes us the most beautiful couple of dancers of love.
“I love only the one who understands me. ” This is undoubtedly one of the most common sentences we throw out of despair when we fail in an effective relationship. Far from asking for the impossible, our request is as logical as it is valid.
For no love will be authentic if there is not this empathy based on the intuition of needs and the correspondence of effects.
The mystery of the attraction between two people
Let us remember for a moment an unforgettable film: “For the worst and for the best”.They are two completely different people, both in social status and in personal interests.
Even though Melvin and Carol have an inexplicable attraction, the person of Helen Hunt feels desperate about the behavior and attitude of Jack Nicholson’s.
She “wants a normal buddy,” someone who understands her. Until one moment, she finds herself at the limit and asks her to give him one reason not to leave. This is where Melvin Udall, a writer of romance novels and obsessive compulsive disorder, reveals to him sincerely: “You make me want to be someone better.”
Here lies the true mystery. Beyond the physical and inner convulsions that make us stay with some people, we all conceal emotional needs that are suddenly identified, read and even resolved with the proximity of this wonderful person disguised as a normal person.
The authentic attraction is in the brain
The more we succeed in being in harmony with the emotional world of someone, to the point of deciphering his feelings, the stronger the attraction.
This is the conclusion reached by a group of researchers from the University of Lübeck, Germany, whose study was published this year in the journal PNAS.
Love will always be joy and need to give the best of ourselves to the loved one. For the love that knows itself that suffering and blackmail is not worthy nor authentic.
The most intense attraction is that which allows us to understand the intentions and emotions of the other person and by which we reinforce our self-esteem and self-esteem as if it were the root of a tree that Finds a little corner under the ground, full of water and nutrients, where it can grow all in beauty and strength.
Meeting someone we understand and understand is not easy, we know, but when this happens, our brain feels pleasure.
This is explained by the neuroscientist and study director Silke Anders:
- To have a lasting and happy relationship, we are “obliged” to constantly update and decode both the emotions and the intentions of our spouse. Only then will we be able to anticipate them and act accordingly. (You seem tired, I’m sure it went wrong at work, I’ll get you a hot bath and a special dinner)
- If we do not succeed, if our neural system fails in the decoding of emotions, a state of stress is created, as well as dissonances in the brain. (Why is he rejecting me? Why is he in a bad mood when I have done everything to make him feel good?).
All this seems to help us a bit more to understand why sometimes, at the beginning of a relationship with someone who attracts us physically and with whom we have clear affinities, it does not work.
We need a more intimate harmony, where our neural vocabulary speaks the same language. Where the needs are decoded with a wise, intuitive and above all courageous emotional reading.
Able to give the most relevant answer at every moment and not the one that is full of interests.
We need the other to make us better people and not beings misunderstood under solitary shells.